Twelve Step Recovery Workshop

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Twelve Step Recovery  Workshop                  P.O. Box  26145 Baltimore, MD 21210                       410-880-2439         

Your Family Member or Friend is Still Active in the Illness
If you are concerned for the well-being of a friend or family member who is still in the midst of their illness, we invite you to attend our meeting. We would be happy to discuss with you how you might best help the other person. You may also need help yourself to cope with the painful situation. We can offer suggestions. We also recommend obtaining a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous which has been essential in our recovery and which we sell at cost at our meeting. The chapter entitled "To Wives" addresses "everyone bound by ties of blood or affection" (p. 104) to an alcoholic, or by extension, to any compulsive person.
 
This chapter acknowledges the profound effects the ill person can have on many around them. It presents many practical "do's" and "don'ts". For example:
    a) Do reach out to the ill person to let them know of your concern, and about the Twelve Step program if they are unaware of it.
    b) Don't badger them repeatedly about it, or try to control their behavior. This will do more harm than good.
    c) Do aim to lead a full and happy life. Don't become overly focused on fixing the other person, which you probably cannot do on your own power.
 
Of course, all this may be easier said than done. Many of us have found that in proximity to a compulsive person we develop our own "co-dependent" tendencies. This involves a drive to control and rescue the other person, and then a sense of deepening rage and victimization when our efforts fail to bear fruit. We become as obsessed about the sick person as they are obsessed with their addictive focus. In a sense, the other person can become our "drink"-- we can't stop worrying, raging, or thinking about them. If you notice such tendencies in yourself, we invite you to our meeting to learn how to free yourself from a building obsession.