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Twelve Step Recovery  Workshop                  P.O. Box  26145 Baltimore, MD 21210                       410-880-2439         

The Caretaker - Cathy A.'s personal story

I grew up in a small town in Tennessee. My father and mother were married late for the times, and I was born seven years after my brother. My dad was never able to hold a job for long, and so I grew up on the edge of poverty, saved from homelessness by the generosity of my aunt. For most of my youth, my brother supervised me. He was beastly in the way that older brothers generally are, but he also taught me a great deal -- including how to read, how to work with electricity and electronics and a lot of French. When he was around 18, he became afflicted with mental illness. Years later I was to learn about schizophrenia, his diagnosis. I was 11, and my whole world was brought to its knees.

I became a co-dependent caretaker in my family, aggressive about what I wanted for them and myself. I also became a perfectionist, trying to make everything right again. On the other hand, I felt trapped and as soon as I was old enough I left home and never lived there again.

I moved to Maryland after college and met a man who was a recovering alcoholic. I started attending Al-Anon meetings "to help save him", but I soon learned a lot more about my spiritual emptiness and myself. I moved on and years later, married a very solid man. We had two children, both of whom were eventually diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I became obsessed with my son’s success in school and drove him nearly to the point of suicide. We started going to counseling and after two years I had made some progress in acceptance.

But my relationship with my husband was also in danger, and I began to feel that all of the problems in my home were my fault. I was ready to leave, or kill myself. A friend directed me to the Twelve Steps.

Since that time I have been earnestly working the Twelve Steps, and I have made more progress in one year than in several of counseling. I have regained my faith in God, my husband and myself. I have faced my fears and they have lost much of their power. I don’t expect to graduate from the Twelve Steps. I am deeply grateful for the way my life is now. I have some measure of serenity and tools to deal with problems when they come up.

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